HOPE

I'm doing better today didn't blog yesterday,kinda a bad day. I usually have them every once in a while. You can only handle so much emotionally I try too stay as strong as I can. Not only for me but for my children. They worry about me I try too make this look like another thing some people deal with. I teach them that life throws us things when we least expect it. it's up to us to choose to do the right thing. For me I'm going to fight this It's going to be hard but I'm still strong I can get threw this. I want to teach my kids never give up. There dad is a great example of this. How many men out there would of stuck by their wives? I know allot of men that would but I know allot that would of walked away. It can't be easy for him. I know that I drive him crazy sometimes. Okay most of the time lol. But we both are scared. We both don't know what to do. My mind tells me I can do anything I want then I get up and reality hits me. It's like being trapped in your own body. I try to to focus on all the great things in life I still have. Getting to see my family, friends. I talk to all my loved ones. Just joined my space and facebook. I found allot of long lost friends out there. That's awesome. I have an awesome house. So life isn't all that bad. But it's hard trying to not focus on what I can't do. I love to walk, and do things around the house. I miss cleaning the house having it all nice and clean.So when my husband come home he could relax. and both of us could whine down together. I miss all the things I once could do. It's so hard mentally and emotionally. but once I think about it. I'm lucky cause I'm a strong willed person. I've gotten through ALLOT OF THINGS LIFE THREW AT ME. I got threw surgery in march 2006, I saw my dad lose his dog his best friend. My pa died that Sept. I went to the hospital again in Oct. for basically the same thing as in march. Then we found out that we were pregnant with are fourth baby. We were both excited. I wanted a girl so bad. I love my boys. And really didn't matter what I had I was glad I was pregnant.I loved being pregnant. Then we found out that the baby had a tumor on it's neck and wasn't growing as if the baby should. We had all kinds of test ran and nothing said anything. So we thought she might make it. But she didn't i lost her at 5 months . So in January We lost a baby. In June my husband wreaked his semi. We went to Canada in June, July. that was fun we got to relax and relieve are stress. Then come back home. I got a job at a local chicken plant. It wasn't that bad I made good money. Then in December a week before Christmas our house caught on fire. We ere devastated. We were homeless. But we survived all of us. That's all that mattered. I've been on along journey in my life. I'm only 28 years old. I've learned allot so far. And I'm still learning.
life is full of surprises. And they only keep coming. Life isn't easy. It is only what we make of it. Even in difficult times. We still need to put are head up high. Enjoy it cause we only have one.