Sorry

I'm sorry that I haven't been on here awhile. I've been a little busy. I was gettin ready to go on vacation to Canada. So that was kinda hard. I can't really move around very good anymore. I'm dealing with it though. I talked to my brother Mike the other day. He said that his friends didn't really understand what was going on with me. So I'm gonna try to explain what I at least know. It all started in Sept of last year. Towards the end of the month I noticed that my left ear I couldn't hear as much as as I used to. So i went to stat care. They said it was probably pressure on the ear gave me a prescription. So I took it It didn't seem to do anything. So I just blew it off for awhile. Then I notice I woke up one day I couldn't put my hair up in a pony tail I didn't have the strength. That really was weird. Then I started losing muscle in my arms. and losing weight. I already was under my weight for my height any way. So my neck and back started hurting really ad. I thought maybe I'd go see a Chiropractor. It seemed to start working. My neck pain wasn't as bad. But I was getting worst. by Dec I lost 15-20 lbs everyone thought I was bulimic They were getting pretty upset with me telling me I should eat. I told them I was but I wasn't gaining any weight. I was having trouble swallowing and It made it difficult to eat. By New year's it was hard for me to even walk straight I was really dizzy and started seeing double. But I didn't tell anyone. I continued to hide this. My balance was getting worst too. My sister in law took me to the Emergency Room they said all my tests came back okay. That I needed to talk to someone about my weight. That was it. So I decided to just try to start eating more. Then I decided to get my eyes checked out cause I was havin trouble seeing like I used too. They were fine. Then I made an appointment to get my ear checked. The doctor did a hearing test on me. He come in asked me if I really did the test like I was lying about it. I said the results you got are what I could hear. Well he was really surprised about it. He said my test was really off the chart. So he suggested I get a balance test done. And said with my other symtoms that maybe I had a tumour on my brain to get a MRI. So went back to get a balance test. He couldn't do it cause I had an ear infection in my right ear. He seen how I was gradually getting worst told me I should just get an MRI. So scheduled that. Got that done he went over the results with me said he didn't see anything so. He recommended that I go see a neurologist. so he set me up with him. Got an appointment. Seen him he ran all these test on me. Cat Scans of my brain,neck, and chest. nothing showed up. Did a spinal tap. an Anti- Hu showed up. That he explained was associated with cancer mainly Lung. So that's why he did a chest cat- Scan. Nothing showed up. So he got me into mercy Medical. They said they were gonna look into my Bowels see if anything was there. They did a ct-scan on my belly.and were gonna do a scope to look into my throat and stomach. So they did the Scope. They said my stomach had Gastritis. was pretty adjusted. But never did a colonoscopy. Then they had 2 different Cancer Doctors look at me they said it didn't look like Cancer. They ended up. More less telling me to see a Physiologist that it was in my head. and I just needed physical therapy. Then my Mom and cousin took me to Cleveland Clinic Emergency Room. They looked over me said that I needed to see the neurologist team there. to have all my scans to take with me. I was to get more blood work and an EMG test done again. So we went to see her. Got all that done. She still had no clue what was causing any of this except it was all was related to this Anti Hu. Then she order this injection to be done 5X's and that didn't do anything. So this is basically where I'm at now. I can only walk with a walker. And my strength is still the same I used my right hand more so it's a little stronger. My balance is really bad anymore. My dizziness isn't bad like it once was but That could be I've learned to deal with it. My swallowing has gotten worst. I can't eat or drink like I was. So I've lost weight again down to 100lbs again. I'm trying to eat but I just can't It gets really frustrating cause I really want to pig out I just can't. I'm hanging in there that's all I can do. I'm not giving up. I want to fight this and beat this and I will I pray to GOD =. Everyday sometimes 3 to 4 times a day. I know He can help me He already has gotten me this far us together. We won't give up. I've gone to far to just give up now. I have three children that watch me. So I know that I'm a teacher to them. So I keep truckin along. I love them with all my heart and I will be here to see them grow up. And someday have a family of there own. I want to be a grandma someday. I will not miss that. Any who. I had more cat-scans done on Thursday. So waiting to see if that comes back with bad but good news. I hope they find something cause then I can know what I'm dealing with and fight this. So keep your fingers crossed PLEASE. Love all Take care.

Been along time

Hey everyone. Sorry haven't been on a while. I've been kinda busy with all three of my kids. Had the boys all last week. They are a hand full but they really help me out though. Any who i went to that Doc in New castle, Pa. We were there for 4 hours. He com in talked for 2 Min's. He said their was nothing he could do for me. So we left. I was so aggravated when I left there. it was basically a wasted trip. Plus Floyd took off work to take me there. I felt so bad. I'm so confused and helpless right now. I just don't understand why? I'm not feeling sorry for myself I just don't understand. That's really hard when you can't just have the problem fixed. My Doctor called on Friday, the one from Cleveland Clinic. She said she's pretty much still puzzled over this situation. She really thinks that the anti hue antibody I have is the cause for everything I'm going through. She wants me to redo my Cat Scan. cause it's been 6 months since I've had that done. I really hope something shows up on it so we can figure this out then fix the problem then hopefully i can move and function like I'm suppose too. I just want to walk and run around like I used to man do i miss that. The saying is right you don't know what you got till it's gone. I'm going to cherish everything in my life for now on cause you just never know. I'm hoping everything works out for me soon. Peace talk at ya later.

Another Day In Sarah's Life

I'm going to the dentist today to fix my front teeth. I fell about 2 months ago,out on my back patio. I fell and hit my mouth off of bricks. I smashed my mouth pretty good and broke one of my front teeth. so any way I'm going to get my caps put on today. And on the 26Th I'll get my permanent ones put on. Hopefully I'll be more careful and not fall again. This last time really had me scared. To any one that don't know my problems I'll go through them. First I have little strength in my left arm. My right is a little stronger. For the most part I have little upper body strength.I also have severe balance problem. Also vertigo,and hearing loss in my left ear,It's almost gone. I've also experiencing swallowing problems. I have lost about 30lbs. I'm really weak. I was using a cane, but up graded to a walker. Which I call my Cadillac lol. I'm thinking of getting an electric scooter. So I can go down town and go out side more. I'm trying to stay positive about this all,it's really hard at times. I want answers. I'm very impatient. I always have been. but I'm really impatient now. The only thing keeping me going is my family and my friends. I imagine everyday what it would be like just to get out of bed and be back to normal. I pray everyday for that miracle. I once took advantage of life. Not any more. I really need to look at life at what it is and that is it's so precious, wonderful,exciting,hard,sad,overwhelming,
awesome. Basically life is pretty much what you make it. Somethings you can change,somethings you can't.We all have roads we travel down in life. We can choose between what we should do and what God would guide us too. It's up too us to decide.

LOOKING INTO OTHER OPTIONS

I'm going to see another Doctor in a week. I'm hoping he can figure something out. But their all just humans too. I think we put allot of faith in them to figure things out when. We should put more effort into helping our selves. I'm really considering Stem cell treatments. I've been researching it for a couple of months now. I think it's a pretty good option for me. If I decide I'm going to do this. I'm going to set up a fund raiser to come up with the money too help cover this treatment. It cost allot of money to do this treatment. The USA doesn't allow this treatment to be done yet. So you have to go out of the country. If there is any way to get me back where I was. I'm not ready to die and I'm going to find some way to save my life. If this was any one that I knew was going through something so horrible like this. I'd find any way of helping them. I love my life and everything that goes with it and I'm not settling for less. I will fight this. I can't let this win. So with this said I'm going to be much stronger then I have ever been. Life will go on for me. I'm going to be myself again and hopefully soon.

Hard Times

We all have had hard times. But did you ever feel like you were the only one? Well sometimes I think that even though I know it's not true. Well yesterday I got in this frame of mind that I was going to go driving. I know I'm crazy. but I really miss it. I love to drive. It's so hard just to sit around the house and really do nothing. I always wondered what it would be like just to relax not have to do anything. And now I know. It was okay at first, but now it's really boring. I can only get on the computer so many times a day. Watch TV only so much. If I could do something else I would. I really learned allot from this. I sit and wonder if that's why I'm going through this. But I'm not the only one My son's and My husband is going through this too. I not only have to be strong for me I need to be strong for them too. I sit and think about all the times I told my son I was too busy to play with him or I couldn't do this or that. I wish I could do that now. Maybe I needed to stop look at my life and change allot of things about it. I used to complain about allot of petty stuff. I took advantage of allot of things in life. This is definitely a wake up call. I know I can't be perfect. But I need to focus on life and what it means to me. I really want to live life to it's fullest. I need to get better not just for me but for my son and my step sons too. They all look at me for support and to show them how to be good men one day. We went to dairy queen the other day and we all had cheese burgers. And Floyd commented this one of the best burgers I had in along time. Don't you boys think? And Zach said no I think mom's cheese burgers are better. I just smiled I was so happy he said that. That's one thing I do miss cooking allot. I love too cook. Baking I'm not really good at I can but not as good as cooking. I really didn't know how until I got with Floyd, He was really easy too cook for he'll eat just about anything. I guess that's why I'm not so picky any more. Well I talked to a very Important person yesterday and the conversation we had was very helpful. I'm very happy, proud and honored to have this special person in my life. always knows how to cheer me up. I really appreciate that. It's nice to no I have that person you can count on. Even when there so far away. You know who you are THANKS. Too all of you that support me through this thanks bunches. I always need that reminder that I have a allot of loved ones out there. Words can't explain how much it means too me. love ya

Another Day

Hello everyone another beautiful day. I had a pretty good day yesterday. Hung out with my husband all day. We had no kids for most of the day. That doesn't happen much at all. But that's why were parents. We love being with them any way. Someday they'll go threw that stage they'll want nothing to do with us. So enjoy now. Well great news At least to me. I'm going to see another Doctor on June 16Th. I hope he will listen to me. I'm really trying to understand all the symptoms my body is going through. So hopefully I can explain myself allot better. Where he'lll understand it. I really don't think, I've been explaining it very good. Not getting out the right info at the right time. I'm so ready to figure this out. I know I can get better once we can figure this out. I just want my life back to the way It was before all of this, at least physically happened to me. I have learned so much from this experience. Atleast I hope it's an experience. So hopefully at least I got a new outlook on life. You don't focus on things that really mean allot to you. Unless you go through something like this. I just want you all to know. Enjoy everyday you have. Even when you have a hard day. think about what you have. Not what you don't have. Life it's self is precious. Be happy. It's hard to when you are going through something you don't know anything about but, trust me it's better then being mad at the world. This has taken a mental wow on me . I fight it everyday. but in the end I have to think of all my family and friends that help me through all of this Hopefully. i can come visit you all soon once I fight this.

Summer Break

Well yesterday was the last day of school for Kyler. He's excited for Summer. i can't believe it's already June. That's crazy. Me myself it's taken forever but that's just because I want answers. Anywho I'm sending all my medical records to this new doctor in Pittsburgh Hopefully he can look at everything and shed some light on this whole thing. I just want to know what I'm dealing with that way they can find ways to fix my problem. I exercised my legs and arms yesterday it seemed to help a little. I'm going to continue to exercise them . Will see what happens. Well I can't believe we have a 5Th grader, a 2ND grader,and a 1st grader, all this Fall. Wow does the years fly by. Well I keep ya posted my son Kyler wants to play on the Computer. So ta ta for now

HOPE

I'm doing better today didn't blog yesterday,kinda a bad day. I usually have them every once in a while. You can only handle so much emotionally I try too stay as strong as I can. Not only for me but for my children. They worry about me I try too make this look like another thing some people deal with. I teach them that life throws us things when we least expect it. it's up to us to choose to do the right thing. For me I'm going to fight this It's going to be hard but I'm still strong I can get threw this. I want to teach my kids never give up. There dad is a great example of this. How many men out there would of stuck by their wives? I know allot of men that would but I know allot that would of walked away. It can't be easy for him. I know that I drive him crazy sometimes. Okay most of the time lol. But we both are scared. We both don't know what to do. My mind tells me I can do anything I want then I get up and reality hits me. It's like being trapped in your own body. I try to to focus on all the great things in life I still have. Getting to see my family, friends. I talk to all my loved ones. Just joined my space and facebook. I found allot of long lost friends out there. That's awesome. I have an awesome house. So life isn't all that bad. But it's hard trying to not focus on what I can't do. I love to walk, and do things around the house. I miss cleaning the house having it all nice and clean.So when my husband come home he could relax. and both of us could whine down together. I miss all the things I once could do. It's so hard mentally and emotionally. but once I think about it. I'm lucky cause I'm a strong willed person. I've gotten through ALLOT OF THINGS LIFE THREW AT ME. I got threw surgery in march 2006, I saw my dad lose his dog his best friend. My pa died that Sept. I went to the hospital again in Oct. for basically the same thing as in march. Then we found out that we were pregnant with are fourth baby. We were both excited. I wanted a girl so bad. I love my boys. And really didn't matter what I had I was glad I was pregnant.I loved being pregnant. Then we found out that the baby had a tumor on it's neck and wasn't growing as if the baby should. We had all kinds of test ran and nothing said anything. So we thought she might make it. But she didn't i lost her at 5 months . So in January We lost a baby. In June my husband wreaked his semi. We went to Canada in June, July. that was fun we got to relax and relieve are stress. Then come back home. I got a job at a local chicken plant. It wasn't that bad I made good money. Then in December a week before Christmas our house caught on fire. We ere devastated. We were homeless. But we survived all of us. That's all that mattered. I've been on along journey in my life. I'm only 28 years old. I've learned allot so far. And I'm still learning.
life is full of surprises. And they only keep coming. Life isn't easy. It is only what we make of it. Even in difficult times. We still need to put are head up high. Enjoy it cause we only have one.

Motavation

My dad and mom are helping set up an apt with another Neurologist in Pittsburgh. They have a friends wife from work that went to see him. She ended up having a tumor on her brain and he's the only one who found it. So maybe he can find out what's wrong with me. I know theirs allot going on. But maybe he can put some more light on the whole thing. I just want to get better. I have so much more to do in life. Then to just sit around doing nothing. It's so hard I'm used to running around doing so much. I love to just get up and start walking again. And start moving again without any ones help. I know it will happen again, I just so impatient. I've always been that way. I have always been independent. So this is definitely I big eye opener. I love doing things for anyone. It's so hard to just sit there and watch. It feels like I'm trapped in my own body. I can sit down and feel normal. Like everything is okay. Then I go to get up and reality hits me. oh well like I always say Life can definitely be so much worst. So I'm thankful for what I have. And I do have allot. In some ways I'm glad I'm going threw this and not my Husband or my kids cause I really don't want to see any of them go threw this ever. No one should have to go threw this. No one deserves this ILLNESS.

Just Another Day

Well really had a not so good day. Yesterday. I really want to get better. It's so hard to deal with this Illness. Espeacially when you have no clue what it is. What is causing this. I feel I'm only getting worst. I didn't realize how hard life was until I experience something like this. Too all of you out there cherish everday you have. Cause life is so easy compared to alot of things we haven't thought of. I always complained about doing house work, having a job, all the little things in life. Now I wish I could do all of that. I always wanted to relax not do anything. Now that's all I can do. I do not want to scare anyone out there. I do have alot toio look forward too. I'm still alive. I get too see my son. That I love soooo much. And my husband. If it wasn't for him I don't know where I'd be. He's deffently A really good man. I defently was blessed with him in my life. I couldn't go day to daywith out him. He's my ROCK. I love him so much. I thank God everyday that he let us find each other. I'm thankful for all my freinds and family praying for me and supporting me threw this time. Words can't express enough what that means to me Thank you

Sarah's condition

Well so far no doctor can tell me what I have. Which is very scary, I don't know what to do in this situation. Which really gets me causes I always need to know what's going on. And the kicker is I've always had a hard time with change. I've taken every test you could think of and they still have know clue. At least that's what their saying. As far as with meI take it day by day. even though it's so hard. But I've learned a great deal from this already. It can always get worst so I've learned. And Someone out there has life harder, rougher, alot worst then I could imagin And too all of you if your out there I might only know alittle of what your going threw but hang in there. Cause you have people that care don't give up. I usally say that to myself at least 10 times a day. It does help.